Where ya been, gurl?
So, it's been a while. Lol.
Feels like eons since I posted at the end of February but lemme tell you, ALOT has been going on since then. Biggest news of all being that I'm currently farming a little person inside my belly :))) Yep, we shall be welcoming a little hooman into the world in October and to say I am excited is... seriously downplaying it. It's been going well, bar the truckloads of food I consume and the ability to fall asleep at any given moment.
I've been super quiet about it online though, besides my friends and family knowing. I haven't exactly ' announced' it on any social media platforms, except just recently posting a pic where it's kind of obvious to ignore my burgeoning stomach. I guess I've kind of not wanted to jinks good news after my previous experiences and I've learnt to share certain news with those who I know wish me well. I may sound like a superstitious fortune teller aunty right about now...but I've learned (at this ripe old 31 years of age) that not everyone takes joy in the good things that may happen to you, and negative words and thoughts can hold more power than we sometimes realise.
I also know how painful it can be to see your news feed updated every month with news of yet another person you know falling pregnant and happily announcing it to the world, and the news is a little tack into your heart, a reminder of you and your partner struggling with infertility for years, or falling pregnant but never being able to carry to term. And then you feel super guilty for feeling so down because of someone else's happy news. It's just such a vicious little cycle of self- hurt and something I've learned is a completely human reaction. The fact that you feel guilty for feeling sad shows your good heart, in my opinion.
For those who have read a previous post, I've shared about mine and Marc's experiences last year with miscarriage and all the tough emotions and healing that went along with it. Emotional healing took a while but there really, really is such truth in the saying that 'time heals all wounds'. It always sounds like such a cliche when people try to comfort you with those words, but there's a reason it's commonly said. Personally, a major point of cathartic release for me was when Marc and I went to get tattoos to commemorate Elle who we'd lost with my first miscarriage at 14 weeks.
It was both our first experience with getting tattoos, and as small as it was, it was painful AF :/ I know some people enjoy that kind of pain, and I wish at that moment that I was that hardcore chick I thought I'd be as a teenager, saying I was gonna get all the tats one day, but NO.
The whole 10 minutes of it was not fun for either of us :p Alas, it passed by and all the pain was worth it as we now have a constant reminder of something that gave us joy and meant so much to us, even if for a fleeting second in time. I think for a time we both felt guilty for not commemorating her in some way, and that might have been delaying the healing process. I can honestly say that since getting it, I find myself remembering her more fondly from time to time without as much hurt, and that once overbearing pain of loss now at a dull throb. The pain will never fully dissipate of course, but I hold onto it as a reminder of someone that I'll always hold dear, and believe I'll see again someday.
2017 so far has been like, the opposite in crappiness of 2016. 2016 was a toilet year for many people the world over, and was nicely capped off with Donald Trump being voted as US president. It may not seem like a big deal to people who aren't from there, but what happens in the US affects the rest of the world and its already become apparent how damaging Trump's presidency is to minorities, women and human rights in general. It's such a sad thing to behold. Then there's also the amazing artists who passed away last year. So much awesome talent gone before their time. I also feel like people suffered alot of their own personal difficulties last year.
Suddenly, we're more than midway through 2017 and the year is flying by. When you're planning for the impending arrival of a baby plus moving house before their arrival, things can get a little.... stressful, especially combined with the hormonal bouts that strike from time to time. But it still feels like a walk in the park compared to 2016.
I'll try to update soon again, as I'd love to share about my sexist Nu Metro experience in May, and my thoughts regarding some movies I've spoken of on here before and so anxiously awaited this year, among other things.
Till then, keep warm x
Feels like eons since I posted at the end of February but lemme tell you, ALOT has been going on since then. Biggest news of all being that I'm currently farming a little person inside my belly :))) Yep, we shall be welcoming a little hooman into the world in October and to say I am excited is... seriously downplaying it. It's been going well, bar the truckloads of food I consume and the ability to fall asleep at any given moment.
I've been super quiet about it online though, besides my friends and family knowing. I haven't exactly ' announced' it on any social media platforms, except just recently posting a pic where it's kind of obvious to ignore my burgeoning stomach. I guess I've kind of not wanted to jinks good news after my previous experiences and I've learnt to share certain news with those who I know wish me well. I may sound like a superstitious fortune teller aunty right about now...but I've learned (at this ripe old 31 years of age) that not everyone takes joy in the good things that may happen to you, and negative words and thoughts can hold more power than we sometimes realise.
I also know how painful it can be to see your news feed updated every month with news of yet another person you know falling pregnant and happily announcing it to the world, and the news is a little tack into your heart, a reminder of you and your partner struggling with infertility for years, or falling pregnant but never being able to carry to term. And then you feel super guilty for feeling so down because of someone else's happy news. It's just such a vicious little cycle of self- hurt and something I've learned is a completely human reaction. The fact that you feel guilty for feeling sad shows your good heart, in my opinion.
For those who have read a previous post, I've shared about mine and Marc's experiences last year with miscarriage and all the tough emotions and healing that went along with it. Emotional healing took a while but there really, really is such truth in the saying that 'time heals all wounds'. It always sounds like such a cliche when people try to comfort you with those words, but there's a reason it's commonly said. Personally, a major point of cathartic release for me was when Marc and I went to get tattoos to commemorate Elle who we'd lost with my first miscarriage at 14 weeks.
Marc's tat
It was both our first experience with getting tattoos, and as small as it was, it was painful AF :/ I know some people enjoy that kind of pain, and I wish at that moment that I was that hardcore chick I thought I'd be as a teenager, saying I was gonna get all the tats one day, but NO.
The whole 10 minutes of it was not fun for either of us :p Alas, it passed by and all the pain was worth it as we now have a constant reminder of something that gave us joy and meant so much to us, even if for a fleeting second in time. I think for a time we both felt guilty for not commemorating her in some way, and that might have been delaying the healing process. I can honestly say that since getting it, I find myself remembering her more fondly from time to time without as much hurt, and that once overbearing pain of loss now at a dull throb. The pain will never fully dissipate of course, but I hold onto it as a reminder of someone that I'll always hold dear, and believe I'll see again someday.
2017 so far has been like, the opposite in crappiness of 2016. 2016 was a toilet year for many people the world over, and was nicely capped off with Donald Trump being voted as US president. It may not seem like a big deal to people who aren't from there, but what happens in the US affects the rest of the world and its already become apparent how damaging Trump's presidency is to minorities, women and human rights in general. It's such a sad thing to behold. Then there's also the amazing artists who passed away last year. So much awesome talent gone before their time. I also feel like people suffered alot of their own personal difficulties last year.
Suddenly, we're more than midway through 2017 and the year is flying by. When you're planning for the impending arrival of a baby plus moving house before their arrival, things can get a little.... stressful, especially combined with the hormonal bouts that strike from time to time. But it still feels like a walk in the park compared to 2016.
I'll try to update soon again, as I'd love to share about my sexist Nu Metro experience in May, and my thoughts regarding some movies I've spoken of on here before and so anxiously awaited this year, among other things.
Till then, keep warm x
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